The pressure to look like you’re doing well
There’s a subtle pressure that most people feel but rarely talk about: the quiet urge for others to see and recognise that you’re doing well…
If that feeling ever creeps in, you’ll notice something: your progress only feels real when it’s visible.
External validation
We all need some external validation. As human beings we’re not wired to build our sense of self in total isolation.
From birth, we understand who we are partly through feedback:
how people respond to us
how our efforts are recognised
how we’re perceived over time
In that sense, external validation is a reference point that helps us calibrate. But there’s a threshold. At some point, validation stops being a tool and starts becoming a dependency.
When progress needs to be seen
When this happens, your brain starts favouring what feels reassuring (whether it’s real or not). You start managing how your progress looks more than how it actually is.
And for many of us, this doesn’t come from nowhere… We grow up in an environment where external validation reigns.
Small but powerful remarks shape us:
“Li bon zenfant.”
“Ti dire twa ecouter.”
“Li ene zenfant bien intelligent. Li ecoute so parent.”
They sound relatively harmless (maybe even positive in some cases). Yet they quietly tie ‘doing well’ to being recognised (especially by elders).
How this impacts your investments
When your sense of progress relies on external signals, investing becomes uncomfortable in a very specific way.
Markets rarely offer constant reassurance that you’re ‘doing well’. So you chase it… Faster results, visible wins, anything that gives you something to show or feel. Investing turns personal when it shouldn’t.
Even sound decisions (with risk managed) can sting. A loss doesn’t feel like a normal probabilistic outcome… it feels like you were wrong. You drift from a long-term mindset into emotional reactions to single results.
Losses hurt more than the money lost. They feel like a judgment on your worth.
The trap that most people don’t see
It’s ironic. Many chase big money for ‘freedom’… to decide for themselves and either earn peak validation or finally stop caring (since wealth is one of the top success metrics for most people).
But the pattern remains. Whether you’re desperately seeking validation or trying to escape it, you’re still driven by it… You’re not building freely. You’re reacting.
You’re not building freely. You’re still reacting.
A healthier way to approach progress
You can’t (and probably shouldn’t) eliminate the basic human need for validation entirely. But you can become aware of it and refuse to let it steer your choices. A simple shift is focusing on what improves your process, not your image.
Real progress in investing is mostly invisible:
better decisions
more patience
fewer emotional reactions
It doesn’t look impressive. But it compounds… And eventually it doesn’t need to be seen to be real.
Pou résumé
We naturally seek external validation to confirm that we’re doing well. Investing can feel uncomfortable because true progress is quiet, invisible, and non-linear.
Real growth is rarely loud… but it’s the only kind that lasts.